I am writing this blog post the night before I begin my diet. I am currently 251 lbs or 17 st 13 lbs So this diet is no longer the want to look better it is also the need to better my health because if I carry on how I am, my health is going to deteriorate quickly.
While I definitely NEED to lose weight there are many reasons why I want too and I am 100% sure that many people also feel the same. Firstly I want to lose weight because like all women, I want to look good and feel good and currently I feel like absolute shite. I am an all time low in my life, I avoid mirrors, I never look at my own body and unless I have to go out I only want to be in my PJ’s sitting watching the television with my blinds drawn and my biscuits in my hand. I hate feeling this way, I have never been slim and I have always struggled with my weight but I have never felt this terrible, nor this much shame in how I look.
The second reason I want to lose weight is my self-confidence is also at an all time low. I literally have no confidence in any aspect of my life. I am constantly second guessing myself and never believe or trust in myself. This is affecting every part of my life, I refuse to apply for jobs because I know I am going to be rejected, I never wear the clothes I want to wear because I believe I will look like a fat hot mess in them. I don’t even trust that I can lose weight on my own without anyone constantly watching the food I am consuming. This feeling is one of the worst that being overweight has given me, when I was a teenager I had so much confidence, I believed I could do great things and done anything I put my mind too and now I am lump sitting on the couch wasting my life away.
Another reason I want to lose weight and probably one of the biggest ones is the anxiety and paranoia that comes with being overweight. This is also the hardest one for me to explain, so I will try my best. I use the words fat, overweight, diet, exercise in my everyday vocab. These words do not bother me when I use them, they are describing words. HOWEVER if I hear a person in work, on the street, at home and generally all around me use these wordd I panic, my palms sweat and my heartbeats fast. I worry that the person saying fat in the break-room is talking about me, if someone mentions diets or exercise I’m scared they will ask me how I eat and be active. I hate that feeling.
So that is 3 of the main reasons I want to lose weight and why I have started this journey.
Thanks for reading
xx
Anonymous Fat Bird 